Plow Through

I guess I’m still trying to “find myself”, through my wardrobe, through my behavior, through my title. Am I a writer, an artist, a poet, all three? It’s all so confusing right now.

I just saw the movie Rent. I cried. That was embarrassing. I wasn’t “bawling” but there were definite tears. Did I mention I was with Jennifer?

She really is the love of my life. And with all the passion and conviction a seventeen-year-old can muster, which is a lot I must say, I know that this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

But you know that old saying… “The best laid plans…”

I love her. I do. I’m going to be with her for a long time. But right now, I’m going through that family thing that the eldest of the children tend to go through…convincing them that the partner is not taking me away and that they deserve to be within my circle of loved ones.

It sucks because everyone is taking their anger and aggression out on me, insulting her in front of me, involuntarily I presume, and basically just acting like idiots.

But this isn’t “just another whim” for me, and I’m not backing down, ever. I will plow through the insults and the judgments, defending Jennifer with my dying breath. (Yeah, a little over-dramatic, sorry.)

The only one who understands me right now is my dad. At first, I thought it was something I was doing wrong, something I had to change within myself.

I was dead wrong.

The women are lashing out at me because I choose to give affection to a female of another pack…an outsider.

They are the pack-thinners; they choose who is worthy to enter our family through passive-aggressive snarls and sometimes through violent acts of bitterness. Their almost-animal-like behavior includes that human weapon that has sparked wars and ended feuds…

Talk.

I shudder at it’s sound. It carries with it the full force of an atom bomb in it’s wake. If we ever needed to end a war...

Shudder.

Nothing to do but plow through…